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Anyone remember the good old days when a grill was something you cooked on, peeps were an easter candy, a crib was something a baby slept in, and shorty was an insult? Now they're ridiculous caps for your teeth; your friends; your house; and your girlfriend.

Yeah. I don't know about the rest of you, but some of the crazy words that people come up with today make me want to rip out their tongue--and my hair. "Don't be hatin' on my baby daddy, bizzatch!" makes me want to vomit. Here are some of the different types of words that you will *never* hear me saying...thank God.

Words that make you sound like you're a kid: Okay. So the cover of Cosmo this month has an article about your "Va-jay-jay". For those of us who aren't two years old anymore, that's also known as the "Vagina". Say it with me..."Va-gin-a".

Also, when you have a child who is about to come out of your Va-gin-a, you are pregnant. Not preggers. Preggers reminds me of 14 year old valley girls who would say, "Oh my god, I'm, like, totally preggers!"

While we're on the subject of pregnant women, they are also not preggo. That's a spaghetti sauce. Unless they're going to give birth to lasagna, they are preg-nant. With a baby coming out of their va-gin-a.

Words that make you sound like you have a serious lisp: Okay...I don't know about you guys, but when I was younger, if you failed to pronounce certain letters correctly, you were sent to speech class. Particularly if you had trouble with your R's, in words such as gangsta, balla, wanksta, a'ight, and soulja (<---*That* kid would also be sent to a seriously remedial spelling class, along with the kids who spelled that 4-legged animal 'd-a-w-g', the ones who listen to Fergie and now spell tasty 't-a-s-t-e-y', the poor children who keep putting a ph- at the beginning of the word 'fat', and the very sad little kid who spelled 'owned' with a p and a 3 in it who would just be disowned by his family (Not dispwn3d).).

And forget it if you added letters to words, you were just hopeless. Things like 'bizzounce', 'bizzotch', 'off the heezy', and 'fo shizzle my nizzle' would have you rushed to the nurses office for the fear that you were having a seizure (Seiz-izzle?)

Primitive cavemen words: Don't know if you believe in cavemen or not, but if they *did* exist, their vocabulary probably consisted of a lot of grunts and sounds such as 'booyah', 'di'nt' (as pronounced in today's "Oh no you di'int), and 'uh', which seems to be by far the most frequently used word in rap songs today. Don't get mad at me if you grunt an unintelligable word at me and I laugh in your face. I speak English, not Caveman-ese.

Chat Speak: Okay, so these are more words that you would never see me type rather than hear me speak, but it seriously annoys me when people type things such as 'lyk' 'srsly' and 'o rly?'. Okay, people, typing 4 extra letters to the phrase "Oh really?" does not take such an obscene amount of extra time that you should just give up hope and abandon vowels altogether. If I respond strangely because I think you're typing in some long-lost dead language Salvidorian shorthand, you need to crack open your dictionary and learn how to spell.

To wrap things up here, I just thought I'd let you know that if you talk like a 3-year old, a valley girl, a person with a speech impediment, or a caveman, I'll automatically think that you are 20 IQ points dumber, because, well...you probably are.

This has been a public service announcement from Rachel Marie Cates. =)